i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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