physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
