there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
