Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
