I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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