I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How does one acquire holy water?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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