Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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