U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
