I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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