My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
