he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
