finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
