after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
