You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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