why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
