4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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