it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
