it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
