I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When did angry sex become our thing?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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