She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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