please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
