I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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