I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
