Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
