I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
