I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my being single is dangerous.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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