i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
