I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
