i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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