Four minutes until I can fart!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize