who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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