Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize