wat bout pragnant strippers??
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
