Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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