You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
