i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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