Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This couple is walking their pig around campus
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
