I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
COCAINE IS GR8
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
