yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
