Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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