I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
