My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
