I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize