After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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