i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
