My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
