you turned your livingroom into a bong?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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