I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize