Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
