The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
