he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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