Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
