WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
