my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I don't deserve a penis
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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