Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
