I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
