Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
