I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
