Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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