you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well I just put wine in my tea
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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