Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
