that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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