god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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