hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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