M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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