He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
