this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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