yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize