I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
