It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
