You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
