Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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